这个事发生在本人中学的时候，时至今日，堪称一绝。
那是节英语课，老师叫我们用“How...“造句，当时有“How are you,How do you
do,等初中学的日常用语，可问题就出在当大家集思广益想答案的时候，只听后排一位仁兄一句“How 优根~~~~~~~~~“（相信玩过’街霸’的朋友都知道啥意思）立刻全班男生笑倒，女生及老师莫名地看着眼前突如其的来一幕晕菜中~~~
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英语老师是很值得同情的，在自己的国家跟自己的人不能说自己的语言，偏要用洋文，所以我觉得英语老师们的心理一定是有些不正常的。比如我刚上初中时被英语老师提到的第一个问题就很变态，老师看着花名册喊了我的名字提问，于是我准备迎接我英语生涯中的第一个挑战，结果这个挑战竟然是：“What's your name?”
还是说英语老师吧，我一直很同情我们那位外教，因为作为一个洋人想教会我们这些不开窍的中国学生说地道的英语真的是一件很不容易的事情。我相信那次的事情可能会把她的鼻子气歪。一个同学爱算命，所以随身总是带着一付扑克牌，一次外教上英语，看到那位同学桌子上的扑克牌，于是走过去，指着那牌就问：“What's this?”而那位同学怎么也想不起来扑克牌用英语怎么说，关键时刻他看到了扑克盒上写着的汉语拼音的“PUKE”几个字母，心想：太好了，终于没给中国人丢脸，于是脱口而出：“It's my puke.”(注uke在e文里乃是“呕吐物”的意思。)
90.如何能让女孩的脸瘦下来？请跟我念：（睿智，水木社区）
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...作者: 豆腐 时间: 2009-10-2 15:55
91.今早公交车上，某男一手托举着，五指分开，似托一碗，举累了，在换手时小心翼翼，好象托着一个无形的球。当时大家都很纳闷，因为谁也看不见他到底托的是什么，终于有人忍不住问，答曰：“老婆让我给她买胸罩！”这就是新时代下文盲不认识英文字母的尴尬！（睿智，水木社区）
FML10
今天，我在看一部动物行为的电影。突然间，镜头变成了两只蜗牛OOXX。我看硬了。FML作者: 豆腐 时间: 2009-10-3 13:50
Today, I was desperate to teach my 2-year old to use her potty. I had to pee, and thought maybe she would learn by watching me use it. Everything was going well, until I realized that I had a long pee. So long that it overfilled her potty all over. FML
今天，花了很大功夫教一个两岁的小盆友用尿盆，结果他就是学不会，我灵机一动觉得亲身示范一定效果不错。一开始果然很顺利，直到我忽然发现自己这次嘘嘘时间有点长，小尿盆——满了。FML
Today, I wore the new bathing suit my boyfriend got me for my birthday to a family reunion pool party. Turns out, it was a gag gift that dissolves after 3 minutes in water. FML
今天，我穿着男友买给我的新款用以去了家庭泳池趴替。结果这个SB买给我的是恶搞产品——三分钟后自动在水中溶解。FML
Today, I saw my ex-boyfriend at the mall, kissing another man. His partner got up and went to the bathroom, so I went up to my ex. I told him I didn’t know he was gay, and he just smiled politely. Then his partner came out and I recognized him as my current boyfriend. FML
今天，在超市里看到我的EX亲了另一个男人一口，我一阵反胃，趁那男人上厕所的时候走过去问：老娘以前怎么不知道你是搞玻璃的。他笑而不语，这时候之前那个男人回来了，TMD居然是我现任bf。FML
Today, my boss was handing me a list of phone numbers to call people and terminate them from their jobs here at the company. My phone was on that list. I don’t know what’s worse, not realizing it was my number until I heard my voicemail or getting terminated from my job. FML
今天，老板给了我一张电话列表让我打电话给那些人告诉他们给开除了。我并没有意识到什么问题，直到我的电话响起，然后听到我自己对自己说“你给开除了”（电话留言？），我才知道我的电话也在表上。
Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy’s balls." FML
我六岁大的女儿不知何故似乎了解很多关于性的东西。在一次学校举行的家庭招待会上，她遇见了她的新老师。当那位可爱的新老师问她从哪里来的时候，我六岁大的女儿很淡定地回答：从老爸的XX来的……FML
Today, I found out my Mom had taken out a loan on my car, from the repo man taking my car. FML
今天，我才发现老妈用我的车作为抵押申请了一笔贷款，所以，一个债务回收人员（repo=repurchase agreement？）过来拿走了我的车……FML
Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the rash I’ve been getting in my underarms, behind my knees and sometimes on my face. Turns out I’m allergic to sweat. I’m a varsity rugby coach, gym teacher, and I just shelled out a stack of cash to get a sauna and steam room installed in my house. FML
由于我腋下，膝盖后面，有时候甚至是脸上出现皮疹，所以今天去了医院一趟。得出的结果是：我对汗液过敏！我是一个橄榄球教练，一个体育老师，而且我刚刚花了一大笔钱在家添置了一个桑拿蒸汽房，FML
Today, I was told by this big guy from school that I needed to stop stalking his girlfriend, and stop following her home from school. She’s my neighbor. FML
今天，我给学校里面的大块头警告说不要再接近他的女朋友，同时不要从她女朋友家里一直跟着她到学校。貌似他不知道她女朋友是我邻居。FML
Today, my boyfriend told me his life’s ambition is to become a ninja. He was serious. FML
今天，我的男朋友告诉我他的人生目标是成为一个日本武士。我看得出他居然是认真的。FML
（嘿嘿，小时候我都想成为超人啦，不过你男朋友多大了）
Today, I asked my husband why he won’t list me as his wife on Facebook. Apparently, it’s because he doesn’t want the high school friends he just reconnected with to know that he married "the biggest geek in the whole school." We went to the same high school. FML
今天，我问我老公为什么在FACEBOOK上不把我列明是妻子。很显然的，这是因为他不想让他才刚重新联系上的高中同学都知道他娶了当时“全校最大块的畸形人”，我们是同一家高中的。FML
Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage sex lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML
今天，我正乘坐飞机回家，在我的右边，是一个响亮地打鼾的痴肥修道士，而我的左边是两个老太太正热烈地讨论着他们年轻时候的性经历，而且详细无比的。更不幸的是，这次飞行要17个小时……FML
Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can’t talk right now, I’m in a movie theater." and then hung up. I’d called her home phone. FML
今天，我鼓起勇气去约会一个暗恋已久的女孩。当我打电话给她，说明了意图，她立刻回答说：现在不方便说话，我在电影院。然后挂断电话了。我打的是她家里的固定电话……FML
（原来拒绝别人是需要智慧的） 作者: 豆腐 时间: 2009-10-3 13:52
Today, my husband and I were having sex, and just as I was about to finish he screamed,"Oh shit! It’s 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML
今天，正跟老公OOXX，我正要丢了的时候，他大喊“我擦，已经4：15了，我的熊猫被偷了！”然后跳下床去检查开心网牧场了。FML
Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML
今天是我生日，我爸妈半夜12点01的时候来到我房间想给我个惊喜。你知道15岁的的人在半夜会干什么么？
Today, I found out that the crumbs on the couch that look like the oreos you just ate, can actually turn out to be very crunchy, and have legs. FML
今天，我发现那些看起来像是吃夹心饼干掉下来的碎屑，竟然可以发出吱吱嘎嘎声音，而且还有腿儿的。FML
Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold. FML
Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me"Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML
今天，我去超市买了点女人用的玩意，收款台帅哥说：“哥们，知道这些是女人用的么？”我是女的，今年才30。FML
Today, while showering, I finished off the shampoo bottle. I decided to see if I could shoot it into the trash can over the shower curtain. When I heard the successful"thunk", I got so excited I slipped and cracked my head open. FML
今天，冲凉的时候洗发水用完了，我决心顺手练一下投篮技术，空瓶嗖的一下就进垃圾筐了，而我，因为太兴奋摔了一跤，脑袋开瓢了。
Today, I caught my dad squishing my stick-on bra cups in his hands, trying to figure out what they are. He’s an engineer who graduated from MIT. I still don’t think he knows what they are. FML
今天，发现老爸拿着我的新款BRA在哪里研究是什么东西，他是MIT毕业的工程师。我怀疑他到现在也没搞清楚。FML
Today, I was driving my car and I thought the construction guy was flirting and waving at me. So I drove by him, waving back and hit an oil spill and my car ended up spinning out of control. He was trying to direct me away from the oil spill. FML
今天，正开着车看到一个很猥琐的男人跟我挥手，我轻蔑的一笑，加大油门呼啸而过，路过时还跟他打了个手势。结果撞上一大油桶，原来他刚才是准备告诉我这个事的。
Today, I was using a cream to remove the hair from my legs. After I was done, I went on the computer, and a few minutes later I noticed that the same hand I had the cream on was leaning on the side of my head. Now I have a huge bald spot and a party to go to later. FML
今天，给腿上擦了脱毛膏后我就开始很爽的玩电脑了，过了几分钟发现手上还有脱毛膏，而我又用那手撑着脑袋玩的电脑。现在我脑袋上有个巨大的秃斑，MD待会还有个趴替。FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. My checker was very hot. When it came time for me to pay, I swiped my debit card and the machine kept rejecting it. Sure that I had money in my account, I did it again, before the cute checker informed me that I was swiping my driver’s license, not my debit. FML
今天，发现商店收银台的小妞很正点，结帐的时候就拿了最牛逼的一张金卡去刷，结果怎么都刷不出来，后来小妞告诉我：先森你刷的是驾照。FML作者: 豆腐 时间: 2009-10-3 13:54
今天，在外面吃饭去上厕所都解决完了才发现兜里没纸了电话又在朋友手上从脚下的缝隙看到隔壁有人在当时也没多想直接就说：嘿隔壁的哥们有纸吗？我忘带纸了能给一张吗？那人没说话上完就走了。我没办法最后的希望都没了后来只有用益达的包装纸擦的~~~~(>_<)~~~~FML
FML中文网》》作者: 豆腐 时间: 2009-10-3 13:55
Today, at work, I was putting away clothes in the Men’s department, when a guy came and started shopping in the aisle in front of me. He kept staring at me non-stop. Getting fed up, I said"What the fuck are you staring at?" Turns out he was wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head. FML
今天，工作的时候，我正在男装部手势一副的时候，一个人进来走到我前面的地方开始挑衣服。他一直盯着我看。我实在忍不了，就说：“你他妈看什么呢？”原来他是把他的眼睛倒戴在后脑勺上了.FML
【FML中文网】作者: 豆腐 时间: 2009-10-3 14:29
Today, my dad met my boyfriend. The first words out of my dad’s mouth were"If my daughter sees your penis, I’ll cut it off". FML
今天，我爸见了我男朋友，从我爸嘴里说出的第一句话是：“如果你要敢让我女儿看到你的小dd，我就把它给切了！”FML
Today, I got a knock on my door at 3AM. Turns out, if I ignore my mother long enough she will assume I have died and will call the cops. FML
今天，凌晨3点钟被破门而入，原来我把我妈忘在门外了，结果她以为我挂在房间里，就报警了。FML
Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks tripped and fell down the stairs, landing on the floor next to me and the drinks went all over. I went to make sure he was okay and helped pick up the drinks. After assuring me he was okay, he gave me a free soda. It exploded. FML
今天，在广场上看到一个饮料小子摔倒在我旁边，我跑去帮忙，还帮他捡了半天饮料，当一切都安顿好后，他送给我一瓶苏打水表示感谢，一切都很顺利，直到苏打水爆炸了。FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years has children. Not one, not two, but three. Not with one, two, but three women. FML
今天，我发现bf有三个孩子，而且是三个不同女人的。FML
Today, my husband woke me up at 3 AM by putting whipped cream on my hand and tickling my nose with a feather. FML
今天，我老公半夜三点钟就起来，他先把我手上涂上奶油，然后拿根羽毛在我鼻子上搔痒。FML
Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs, I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex and afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they’d had great sex also. FML
今天，当我从两周的假期中返回家中时，听到楼上有脚步声，发现我BF在床上光丢丢的趟着，我们很开心的做了爱做的事，直到我发现我的一个好姐妹光丢丢的躲在衣柜里。FML
Today, I was doing my monthly day of laundry. Apparently, I didn’t check all the pockets in my jeans and missed a lighter in a back pocket. The firemen said an exploding drier was the most interesting call they have got this year. FML
今天，做了一整体大扫除，很显然，我掏口袋时候漏了一个打火机在屁股口袋里。消防员说，一部干衣机爆炸引起的火灾将是本年度最有趣报警。
Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I’m at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won’t get hurt. FML
今天，我五岁的女儿告诉我，我上班的时候，她爸爸和他的好朋友梅林达摔跤。她还说他们是在床上摔跤的所以都没受伤。FML
Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of that smell of marijuana in the house. So I confess and tell her I will never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML
今天，我妈妈告诉我，她已经非常厌烦家里有大麻的气味了。我就向她坦白了，然后告诉她我以后再也不拿回家了。她其实刚刚是在说我的邻居。FML作者: 豆腐 时间: 2009-10-3 14:32
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
今天，我脱的光光的，准备等着我女朋友冲凉的时候进去卫生间引诱她。我准备好了，猛地打开门进去。我进去的时候她正大便-_-.FML
Today, I had to give a speech on the importance of dental hygiene. I got really nervous, so I did what I’ve heard in movies. I pictured everyone naked, began staring at a hot blonde in the front, and got hard. FML
今天，我得进行一个关于口腔卫生重要性的演讲。我太紧张了，所以我学着在电影里听说的，把每个人都想成是裸体的。在开始盯着一个惹火的金发女郎时，我dd支帐篷了。FML
Today, after six months of dating, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because my"obsession" of being on the computer and playing games all the time was cutting into"our time". She then told me to"get a life" and never wanted to see me again. She told me all of this on WoW. FML
今天，在约会了6个月之后，我gf决定甩了我，因为我陷在电脑和游戏中，侵占了我和她两个人一起的时间——“我们的时间”。然后她告诉我去“去获得一个真正的生活”再也不想看到我了。她是在WoW魔兽上告诉我这些的。FML
Today, I got my first tattoo. It’s a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML
今天，我去做了人生第一次纹身，图案是一个超大的阔剑，华丽丽的从脖子后面插下去，回到家以后我发现，穿上TEE以后，那个剑柄刚好露在外面，看上去好像一个大JJ。FML
Today, I went to my school to take my yearbook picture. I was wearing a shirt that said ANALOG on the front. When I bent in to take the picture, part of my shirt overlapped itself. Now I’m known as the ANAL kid in the yearbook. FML
今天，在学校照年册照片的时候，我本来美美的站在那里摆pose，结果风把T恤卷起一个角，上面的字从ANALOG变成了ANAL（屁眼）。后来我成了年册中著名的屁眼人。FML
Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML
今天，为了营造一种很浪漫的气氛，我开始嘬BF的手指，忽然觉得嘴里有脆脆的东西，MD这个SB刚抠完鼻屎。FML
Today, I was at my boyfriends house, meeting his family for the first time. We were all standing in the kitchen when suddenly a small white and brown mouse ran by. As a natural instinct, I stomped on it. Turns out, it was his little sister’s pet mouse that had gotten out of its cage earlier. FML
今天，第一次去BF家，我们正在厨房里头喷呢，忽然看到一只大花耗子奔过来，LZ一脚把它踩成了肉饼，结果发现那是他妹妹的宠物鼠。FML
Today, my girlfriend’s family came over and I thought it would be fun to watch old family videos of when I was a kid. A few minutes into my 5th birthday party, I excused myself and went to grab some snacks for everyone. I returned to realize I had recorded porn over my family videos. FML
今天，GF全家来做客，我把小时候的录像拿出来给他们分享，然后我觉得应该表现的绅士一点，就很潇洒的出去帮他们拿些零食，回来的时候我才意识到，那盘带子已经被我拿去录小电影了，还是日本爱情动作片。FML
今天，照常收到一条智商测验短信："钱还没汇把，我的账号换了，请把钱汇到 XXXX XXXX,赵X"。气中生智回复：钱已汇，请查收。几分钟后这胆肥的孙子回复说：你这个骗子！卧槽, FML作者: 豆腐 时间: 2009-10-3 14:41
Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML
今天化学课上，做一个危险化学物质的爆炸试验，老师让我擎着灭火器以防万一。老紧张了我，内老师刚打着火正准备点呢，我一得瑟，直接喷了，结果整个教学楼学生都被紧急疏散了。FML
Today, I realized I forgot to write a 5000 word essay for my English class. I tried to be calm since I had until midnight to finish, and it was only 8pm. I typed for three hours straight,and finished the assignment. I read over the instruction again, and realized it only had to be 500 words. FML
今天，忽然想起还有篇5000字的英语作业没有写，我很淡定的熬了个通宵，完成后我一看作业要求，其实是500字的。FML
Today, I fell asleep in my last period class. When I woke up my teacher said"you missed your bus". I grabbed all my stuff and ran out the room. My class mates were standing outside the class laughing. We still had an hour left in class. FML
今天，最后一堂课我终于没顶住，睡过去了。当我起来的时候发现班主任在旁边很淡定的说“小子，你马上就要错过班车了”。我当时虎躯××，抓起所有的东西就冲了出去。结果在门口看到全班同学在那里爆笑。里下课还有一个小时。FML
Today, my co-worker came back from Thailand with big new breasts. She told me to go ahead and touch them because they have a funny texture for the first few months. When our GM entered the room, I had both hands down my co-worker’s shirt, agreeing that they were unnaturally firm. FML
今天，我们单位一个大妞从泰国回来，带着两颗硅胶填充的大木瓜。她告诉我这玩意刚隆完手感很奇特，就让我摸两下。于是，当经理进来的时候他看到我两手伸到大妞T恤里头，还口中念念有词的说“还真有弹性的咧”。FML
Today, I was on a 12 hour trans-Atlantic flight overseas. I asked the flight attendant where this rancid smell was coming from. The guy sitting next to me started laughing, saying,"Sorry, something I ate is not agreeing with me." This was hour 1 of the flight. FML
今天，我在一架12小时的长途航班上，忽然闻到一股腐烂加馊饭的味，我就很牛逼的把服务员叫过来问“咋回事捏？为森么捏？”。这时候坐我旁边那个哥们搭话了“不好意思，我闹肚子呢”。刚起飞一个小时。FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years told me that I was part of an experiment for her Sociology doctorate. I also learned that the notebooks she’s been writing in for the past three years aren’t for her"doctorate in literature" as she had told me, they were notes on my behavior for the past 3 years. FML
今天，谈了三年的女朋友告诉我，跟我拍拖是她社会学博士论文的一部分。而她每次约会时总在那里记录的笔记本，不是她所说的“文学素材”，而是我的行为记录。FML
Today, I was walking with my very attractive friend who I like a lot. She then told me that her roomate wouldn’t be home tonight, and if I wanted, I could come over and study history. I didn’t get it. I told her no thanks, that I was covered, and it was chem I needed to study. An hour later, I understood. FML
今天，跟一个一直暗恋的大美妞散步，她忽然很销魂的跟我说她舍友晚上不在，问我要不要去她宿舍学历史。我当时想都没想就拒绝了，因为我历史老牛逼了，化学是真的不行。一个小时候我终于搞明白了。FML
Today, I parked in front of a grocery store and took the portable GPS system off the mount on the dashboard and put it in my pocket so no one would break into my car and steal it. When I got back, the window was smashed and someone had stolen the plastic mount. FML
今天，我下车的时候留了个心眼，把GPS揣兜里了，免得被人砸玻璃偷走。买完东西回来发现车窗还是被人砸了，有个SB把GPS的支架偷走了。FML
Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply?"Not as good as her sister." His defense?"It was only one time." FML
今天，BF来我家吃饭，把我妈灌多了，她问BF“我女儿在床上表现怎么样啊？”（为了刺激我）。结果我家那个傻老爷们回答“赶不上她姐姐”，发现一阵杀气后他又解释到“只有一次”。FML
Today, I was with my seven year old daughter purchasing my husband a present for his birthday in a few weeks. At the register, in the very long line, I asked her where we could hide his present so he wouldn’t find it, she responded loudly with"Hide it in your room! He never goes in there!" FML
今天，领着7岁的女儿为他爸挑选生日礼物，排队的时候我问她：你说藏哪里好呢。她很大声的回答“藏你卧室里吧，他从来不去”。FML
Today, I was messaged by a great guy I went to college with, and he was telling me how stupid he had been for not asking me out in college and about how much he had liked me. After talking for 30 minutes about trying to get together soon, he told me that he had mistaken me for someone else. FML
今天，我正跟一个大帅锅聊天，他跟我说在大学期间没有约我出去真是太傻了，太后悔了。我心里一阵狂喜，在聊了大概30分钟后，他又说他好像把我跟其他人搞混了。FML
Today, I was taking my morning pills. There had been a lot of fruit flies in my house lately. I grabbed a cup of water beside to sink to wash the pills down. As soon as I tasted the drink, I realized it was vinegar and dish soap used to trap the flies. I washed my pills down with dead flies. FML
今天，早上我正在吃药。我随手拿了水池旁边的一杯水来吃药。喝到嘴里的时候，我想起来是这是我用来诱捕苍蝇的洗洁精和醋——最近家里有很多苍蝇。我连着药和死苍蝇一起喝下去了。FML作者: 豆腐 时间: 2009-10-3 14:45
毕业旅行去山西玩，在参观晋祠的时候见到一个很大的石雕乌龟，同行的一个MM兴奋的大喊：“大家都来摸摸龟头啊！会有好运气！”FML
Today, during a major fight with my boyfriend, I proceeded to throw a necklace he had given me out the window, thinking it was just a cheap trinket. He then told me, for the first time, that that necklace had belonged to his now deceased grandma. FML
今天跟男友大吵一顿后，把他送我的以项链从窗口扔了出去，觉得反正不是什么值钱货。结果这dog ri 的高诉我这项链是他死去的奶奶的！
Today, I was running on a soccer field and accidently dropped my gum from my mouth. No one had noticed so I picked it up and started chewing again. It was a different flavor. FML
Today, I was at a stop light when I saw a cute police officer at the light across the intersection. Trying to be cute as I drove by, I turned and winked and waved. The car in front of me stopped, I rear ended them and then got rear ended. The cute cop winked back, then wrote me a ticket. FML
今天，我路口等红灯呢，看见一个帅哥警察过路口。为了表现得更可爱，我piapia的晃着摆着从她身边开过去。这时候我前面的车突然停了，我追上了他的屁股然后把他屁股给追了。然后这个帅哥警察piapia的回来了，给我开了一单。FML
Today, as I was coming out of the ladies’ room, I saw a guy glancing at me. A few minutes later, I saw him coming at me at a fast rate. I decided to run from him. As I got out of the building and into a cab, I saw him from the window waving my phone at me. He was just trying to return it. FML
今天，我从洗手间出来以后，发现有个男人一直在不怀好意地盯着我看。过了一会儿，我看到他突然朝着我过来了。我心想今天遇上变态了，决定赶紧开溜。我跑出大楼找了个出租坐定以后，隔着车窗发现他朝我挥舞着他手里的手机。。。那是我的手机，他仅仅是想把手机还给我。FML
Today, I found my biological father, who I have never met, on facebook and decided to message him. He blocked me. FML
今天，我终于找到我的亲生父亲了。我从来都没见过他，我是在fackbook上面找到他的。我刚要给他留言，发现他已经把我加为黑名单了。我擦，哪儿有这样的爹啊！FML
Today, I went to the dentist. I parked my car in what I thought was the dentist’s car park. It was actually the car park for the business next door. I had to watch them clamp my car from the dentist’s chair. FML
今天，我去牙医那。我以为我把车停到牙医的停车位上，实际上并不是，我的车停在了隔壁一家店的车位上面了。于是，当我坐在牙医的椅子上面接受治疗的时候，我亲眼目睹了他们把我的车轮给锁了。FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. I was worried about leaving my car outside his house because his mom’s car got stolen there recently. I drove behind him, and parked outside the restaurant. My car was stolen from outside the restaurant. FML
今天，我和男友去家餐厅吃饭。我不想把车停在他家，因为他妈妈的车前段时间刚被偷了。所以我就开车跟在他后面一起去餐厅，停在了餐厅外面。吃完饭以后我发现我的车还是被偷了。FML
Today, I realized I had misspelled"Education" on all the resumes I’ve been submitting. FML
今天，我发现在我投出去的所有简历里面，我都把“Education”给拼错了。FML
Today, I was studying for a test at a coffee shop. A guy walked up, slapped the coffee out of my hand, and punched me in the face for hooking up with his girlfriend on the weekend. Not only was I out of town this weekend, but my$250 textbook is ruined, and I failed the test. FML
今天，我正在一个咖啡厅复习考试的时候，一个男的走过来，泼了我的咖啡，在我脸上打了一拳，说这是“我周末和他女友偷腥”的教训。我擦，我周末连门都没出过。我250刀的上网本挂了，最后考试也没通过。FML
Today, I decided to propose to my girlfriend on the Charles Bridge in Prague. A little boy thought it would be fun to chase a flock of pigeons towards me. I freaked out and dropped the 2 carat diamond ring. Into the river. FML
今天，我带女友来到了布拉格的Charles大桥，来向她求婚。一个小P孩觉得把一群鸽子赶到我们这边会让我们更有求婚的那种神圣的感觉。结果我被大群的鸽子吓坏了，不小心把2克拉的钻戒扔进了河里。FML
Today, my printer wasn’t working, so I decided to call tech support. After being on hold and listening to their awful background music for nearly an hour, someone finally picked up. Before they could even finish saying’hello’, my phone battery died. FML
今天，我的打印机坏了，我决定打客服热线。在听了一个小时背景音乐以后，手机都发烫了，终于有人接听电话了。就在我准备说话的时候，手机没电自动关机了，我TMD的连个“喂”都还没说呢。FML
Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating"Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly$1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister’s wedding. FML
今天，我的素食主义者室友把冰箱清理了。他把里面所有的肉全扔了，还美其名曰：吃肉就是犯罪！我擦，我刚花1000刀为我妹妹的婚礼屯回来很多猪肉、牛排还有海鲜。FML作者: 豆腐 时间: 2009-10-3 14:50
每次老婆和老公吵架，老婆就跑到厕所呆半天,这样的次数多了，老公就不得不问老婆:在厕所干吗呢?好像还挺解气？老婆说:刷马桶！老公问刷马桶也能他妈的解气?老婆说:不知道,反正每次用的都是你的牙刷！FML