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Today, I was desperate to teach my 2-year old to use her potty. I had to pee, and thought maybe she would learn by watching me use it. Everything was going well, until I realized that I had a long pee. So long that it overfilled her potty all over. FML
今天,花了很大功夫教一个两岁的小盆友用尿盆,结果他就是学不会,我灵机一动觉得亲身示范一定效果不错。一开始果然很顺利,直到我忽然发现自己这次嘘嘘时间有点长,小尿盆——满了。FML
Today, I wore the new bathing suit my boyfriend got me for my birthday to a family reunion pool party. Turns out, it was a gag gift that dissolves after 3 minutes in water. FML
今天,我穿着男友买给我的新款用以去了家庭泳池趴替。结果这个SB买给我的是恶搞产品——三分钟后自动在水中溶解。FML
Today, I saw my ex-boyfriend at the mall, kissing another man. His partner got up and went to the bathroom, so I went up to my ex. I told him I didn’t know he was gay, and he just smiled politely. Then his partner came out and I recognized him as my current boyfriend. FML
今天,在超市里看到我的EX亲了另一个男人一口,我一阵反胃,趁那男人上厕所的时候走过去问:老娘以前怎么不知道你是搞玻璃的。他笑而不语,这时候之前那个男人回来了,TMD居然是我现任bf。FML
Today, my boss was handing me a list of phone numbers to call people and terminate them from their jobs here at the company. My phone was on that list. I don’t know what’s worse, not realizing it was my number until I heard my voicemail or getting terminated from my job. FML
今天,老板给了我一张电话列表让我打电话给那些人告诉他们给开除了。我并没有意识到什么问题,直到我的电话响起,然后听到我自己对自己说“你给开除了”(电话留言?),我才知道我的电话也在表上。
Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy’s balls." FML
我六岁大的女儿不知何故似乎了解很多关于性的东西。在一次学校举行的家庭招待会上,她遇见了她的新老师。当那位可爱的新老师问她从哪里来的时候,我六岁大的女儿很淡定地回答:从老爸的XX来的……FML
Today, I found out my Mom had taken out a loan on my car, from the repo man taking my car. FML
今天,我才发现老妈用我的车作为抵押申请了一笔贷款,所以,一个债务回收人员(repo=repurchase agreement?)过来拿走了我的车……FML
Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the rash I’ve been getting in my underarms, behind my knees and sometimes on my face. Turns out I’m allergic to sweat. I’m a varsity rugby coach, gym teacher, and I just shelled out a stack of cash to get a sauna and steam room installed in my house. FML
由于我腋下,膝盖后面,有时候甚至是脸上出现皮疹,所以今天去了医院一趟。得出的结果是:我对汗液过敏!我是一个橄榄球教练,一个体育老师,而且我刚刚花了一大笔钱在家添置了一个桑拿蒸汽房,FML
Today, I was told by this big guy from school that I needed to stop stalking his girlfriend, and stop following her home from school. She’s my neighbor. FML
今天,我给学校里面的大块头警告说不要再接近他的女朋友,同时不要从她女朋友家里一直跟着她到学校。貌似他不知道她女朋友是我邻居。FML
Today, my boyfriend told me his life’s ambition is to become a ninja. He was serious. FML
今天,我的男朋友告诉我他的人生目标是成为一个日本武士。我看得出他居然是认真的。FML
(嘿嘿,小时候我都想成为超人啦,不过你男朋友多大了)
Today, I asked my husband why he won’t list me as his wife on Facebook. Apparently, it’s because he doesn’t want the high school friends he just reconnected with to know that he married "the biggest geek in the whole school." We went to the same high school. FML
今天,我问我老公为什么在FACEBOOK上不把我列明是妻子。很显然的,这是因为他不想让他才刚重新联系上的高中同学都知道他娶了当时“全校最大块的畸形人”,我们是同一家高中的。FML
Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage sex lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML
今天,我正乘坐飞机回家,在我的右边,是一个响亮地打鼾的痴肥修道士,而我的左边是两个老太太正热烈地讨论着他们年轻时候的性经历,而且详细无比的。更不幸的是,这次飞行要17个小时……FML
Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can’t talk right now, I’m in a movie theater." and then hung up. I’d called her home phone. FML
今天,我鼓起勇气去约会一个暗恋已久的女孩。当我打电话给她,说明了意图,她立刻回答说:现在不方便说话,我在电影院。然后挂断电话了。我打的是她家里的固定电话……FML
(原来拒绝别人是需要智慧的)
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